Take a step back

I hate my website.

It’s sooo basic. It doesn’t say hire me, like right now. It doesn’t look expensive.
I want my website to look expensive – damn it.
noI want my website to wow people.

I hate my Facebook page.I need to make my cover photo more glamorous.
I need to get more likes. Likes in the thousands.
I need to reach more people – get the community hopping.
I should probably spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on Facebook Ads.

I hate the fact that I don’t make videos.
I need to create videos cuz you know video is where it’s at. Don’t you know that?
Never mind the fact that I hate being on camera.
If I am not doing video, I am not doing things right.
People won’t connect with me because they can’t see me. These words don’t matter apparently.

Oooh, I should probably get that email capture software everybody is raving out. Or install that SEO plug-in that is a must-have for ALL small business owners. Or start a weekly newsletter – highly professional looking, of course.

These are only some of the joyful thoughts that randomly pop into my head throughout the day.

These get worse as I go through my email subscriptions, read blogs or a few Facebook groups I am a member of.

It is enough to do anybody’s head in.
Especially if you are new.
And I am not.
I have been in business for a few years now. Long enough to know what works for others might not work for me.
People are good at things I suck at. Or have no interest in. Or get bored to tears with.
What’s so hard to understand about that?
And I still feel like I need to be doing so much more in my business to ‘take it to the next level’.
Why do I keep getting sucked in to fulfill other people’s agendas?
Why don’t I just stick with a few people I have an insane amount of respect for? People like Naomi Dunford, Sonia Simone, Marie Forleo and Amy Porterfield.
Yes, they have also their own agendas.
But this is what I am totally fine with. Count me in.
I gel with their philosophy – I am a believer.

Let me ask you – do you not feel the pressure to do one million things to get your business off the ground?
To make your website prettier? Your opt-in awesom-er?
To get in front of more people, to get more clients and customers?
What is it doing to you?
Is it not leading to feelings of inadequacy – you feel such an incompetent fool? Feeling of frustration – how can you possibly do all of this? Are you not second guessing yourself all the time?
You don’t have to.
Take a deep breath.
Take a step back.
You have to eliminate the distractions that are messing with your head. I know it’s easier said than done but you’ve got to try.
Unfollow all those people whose advice doesn’t resonate with you (including myself).
Keep telling yourself you can only do so much – you are human, you have a life.
Take a step back.
Choose only that lets you play to your strengths.
Outsource the rest or let it go.

Are you feeling the pressure to do something in your business that you really don’t want? What business advice do you get all the time that you wished you stop getting? Share in the comments – I’d love to know.

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  1. mahjabeen
    Posted on May 29, 2014 at 4:03 am

    Wonderful style of writing.

  2. Manju Devi Says :
    Posted on May 29, 2014 at 6:03 am

    I am a new blogger and these day’s trying to become a successful blogger with my blog. Many times i feel demotivated and feel their is nothing more which i can do with my blog have your website niche. Then, i visit websites likes your and again start feeling that i have to do something and i start my work one more time.
    So, i kindly want to say thanks to you for writing such a beautiful article and keep doing this. As, it’s motivates many new bloggers like me.

    • Marya Jan Says :
      Posted on May 29, 2014 at 6:31 am

      Thanks, Manju. Keep going – you can do this! 🙂

  3. James Bradrick Says :
    Posted on May 29, 2014 at 11:10 pm

    I’m pretty certain that I’m an INFJ. And while I don’t relish making a video, I’m certain that it helps me attract clients. If you want to make a video, there is a way. All you gotta do is look for it. All of us find what we look for. Eventually.

    • Marya Jan Says :
      Posted on May 29, 2014 at 11:17 pm

      Hello James, I am sure video is great – but it’s not for me. I am terrible at it and that is not just an opinion. 🙂
      Glad it it is working for you!

  4. Margaret | Destination Here&Now Says :
    Posted on May 29, 2014 at 11:27 pm

    Ah this made me smile Marya. It was like a tonic for PTBSS … Post Traumatic B School Stress lol. My head has been in overload for weeks, full of amazing inspiration and ideas but like you, I’ve actively stepped back over the past week or so. Deleting email subs that take me off in tangents I don’t need to go. Taking time out from clients’ work so I can take some time to update a simple business plan for myself. Letting go of some of this self-imposed pressure to have everything in place NOW! If it makes you feel any better I can make websites look expensive and make people go Wow! But I still want mine to be brighter and better too haha. And I want an opt in and a blah blah blah blah blah. Blahhhh it never ends. Some wise person said to me once “If you died tomorrow there’d still be a busy list.” So you’re absolutely right, we can only do so much. Let’s just make sure it gives us pleasure and doesn’t take us away from the things that matter most. Thanks for the reminder. x

    • Marya Jan Says :
      Posted on May 29, 2014 at 11:34 pm

      Hey Margaret,
      Thanks for your kind words. I was forever debating whether to hit publish or not – glad I did. 🙂
      I totally know what you mean that it never ends – sigh. And I actually don’t mind the way my website looks at the moment – until I see some branding expert or web designer come out with another glowing testimonial with ‘before and after’ – and then I want a gorgeous one, too. In time … there are more important things to do now and only so many hours in the day. 🙂
      Thank you.

      • Margaret | Destination Here&Now Says :
        Posted on May 29, 2014 at 11:40 pm

        I don’t understand why you would hesitate over this one. I think you’d be surprised how many people are in the same boat. Ultimately Marya your site and your words just need to be true to you. People can have the most stunning sites but not touch a chord with others. I haven’t been here long but you were one of my happy B School finds. And one that I haven’t deleted so take that as a big compliment haha 🙂

    • allegra Says :
      Posted on June 2, 2014 at 12:46 am

      haha I have PTBSS also! omg Mayra I completely feel the same. Fact is I’m doing a lot and still feel like I am not doing enough. I work till 4-5am everynight. gah! its sooooo difficult! hehe I can’t get organized, I have 1000 things going and everytime I go on B-school FB pages I get sucked in, or sucked into other pages. I also need to see what other people are up to and engage with them but I have no time! hehe What to do about it all? I don’t know, but I’m glad Im not the only one who feels this way.Thank you for sharing.

  5. Saiisha Says :
    Posted on May 30, 2014 at 12:18 am

    I’m so glad you did hit Publish! So we know it’s not just us / me feeling these same feelings of lack and scarcity and getting anxious over it all. Thanks for your honesty 🙂

  6. Catherine Says :
    Posted on May 30, 2014 at 2:57 am

    Marya, I’ve been following you since 2011 when I started a blog. I’m now following my passion of dog training but I can say that this mindset exists everywhere in any profession. We aren’ getting the results we are wanting and there must be some big reason. I’ve slowed down and do what works for me. Thank you for this post because I think more often than not, most of are thinking the same thing. I’d rather see a small number have success than a bigger number of people, not.

  7. Felicity Kent
    Posted on May 30, 2014 at 5:40 am

    I thought about this for quite a while, and decided to list a few of my thoughts.

    1. This is your website and should (a) be a reflection of who you are.
    (b) demonstrate what you believe in.
    2. Plain wrap is sophisticated, distractions can blur the meaning of the post.
    3. Content is the most important thing, therefore quality comes before quantity.
    4. What works for you, may not be suitable for others, we can’t change who we are, perhaps we need to appreciate our own individuality.
    5. A fashionable site may not be very functional.
    6. Your site should portray who you are and what you believe, if you wish for consumer trust, and create an atmosphere where others are comfortable working with you.
    7. You can’t change who you are, so why try.

    Thankyou for this post, it really set me thinking about how important it is to stick with what you believe, even if it isn’t easy at times.

  8. Veronika
    Posted on May 30, 2014 at 10:49 am

    Thank you Marya, for this article. Just want to let you know you are an inspiration for all non-extrovert, non-selfie-producing, non-video-adept or otherwise self-promoting entrepreneurs appearing intimidatingly professional. If we are all supposed to do things in our own authentic ways, as we learned in B-School, there must be ways for people like you and me out there somewhere too. I feel that NOW IS OUR TIME to find those ways and make it happen and bring our gifts to the world. You are doing it, and I’m so grateful for that. I’m working on it…

  9. Kelly - Project Me Says :
    Posted on May 31, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    Oh thank you Marya. The timing of this post is so perfect. I’d just backed up my WP site and now the right side bar has jumped on some of the pages and I went into a bit of a panic, wondering who on a Saturday can help me fix it. Then I read this post and thought… Whatever. It’s not a crisis. It doesn’t look perfect the way I want it to, but it’s nothing to lose sleep over right now.

  10. Nelda McEwen Says :
    Posted on May 31, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    Marya Jan; I really love your style. I can relate to the quandary of translating my self to my on line image? brand? whatever? For now (rather than say I suck at everything) I will say that I and my ‘on line presence’ is a work in progress. Thank you for showing me that content is still the essential piece!

  11. Lisa Says :
    Posted on June 1, 2014 at 9:21 am

    I love the post!

    24hours really isn’t enough to do everything!

    I usually don’t mind those internal critiques too much – they’re a good guide for what I could put on my action list. But the key for me is having a really clear vision of my end goal – that makes it easier to decide how to prioritise things.

    That sense of wanting to do and achieve much much more is I guess what drives me to try new things.

    But yes, sometimes it takes a conscious effort to quieten that hard taskmaster!

  12. Alison Hughes Says :
    Posted on June 2, 2014 at 11:52 am

    So well said. And remember, by being on FB and Twitter and having your own website, you are doing more than some translators. Karen Tzaczyk wrote a very sensible blog post about ‘not blogging’ on the ITI Pillar Box last week http://www.iti.org.uk/news-media-industry-jobs/the-pillar-box/list-by-date/614-don-t-blog-just-write. There is a huge overload of information out there so, in my opinion, you’re best sticking to one thing you do well and making it fabulous.

  13. sivani Says :
    Posted on June 3, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    Your article is more inspiring for me as a new girl entering in the blogging field.Sometimes i felt up is it the right choice.. But after reading this post i wake from the demotivating thoughts… i won’t give up anymore. keep writing!!!
    Thank you for this inspiring post Marya!!!

  14. Paula Says :
    Posted on June 3, 2014 at 6:09 pm

    Pressure to generate videos is tremendous. I am not photogenic, I hate being in front of the camera, I look like a dork and completely irresponsible while filming, un-relate-able, boring, high on some sort of hyper-addicting drug, and, in short, I HATE the thought of doing a video.
    Just saying…
    Don’t take my picture.

  15. Nick Chan Says :
    Posted on June 4, 2014 at 10:44 pm

    Sit back, relax and enjoy your work. That’s what I always tell myself, love your work and love yourself, you will start to enjoy the busy-ness of everything. Cheers mate!

  16. Micky Says :
    Posted on June 6, 2014 at 4:46 pm

    I really needed this post, thank you so much. I do love my site but the more blogs I visit and see all of the jazzy and snazzy things they have that I don’t have, I find myself wanting at times. Then I do have to take a step back and think, “Micky, your site may not be like …. but you still have a nice site.”

    There are still a few tweaks that I want to make myself and not hire out, so learning SEO and becoming a WordPress wiz is definitely a priority for me.

  17. Kimmy Says :
    Posted on June 19, 2014 at 9:50 pm

    I needed to read a post like this today, thank you. 🙂

  18. Peggy Says :
    Posted on June 22, 2014 at 4:58 am

    Not too long ago you shared a similar post that said in part…”I don’t do videos; I don’t do webinars; I don’t have a pretty website; I don’t have premium branding…and so on. THAT POST was refreshing and literally gave me ‘permission’ to make some changes. As a result, I unplugged myself from Twitter, Tumblr, Podiobooks, and Hootsuite (for starters)…and I feel great!

    In spite of the pressure to sign up for all of these, I wasn’t using ANY of them. I still have some websites I’m “following” but a couple of them are going to go under the knife as well because I simply cannot keep up with them and still find time to work on my writing. I’ve not even re-launched my Facebook Page because I’m not convinced Facebook will do much to promote my books.

    I did keep my LinkedIn membership, because that does seem to fit my needs rather well. So, YES! You got it right. Take a step back… and I did.

    I will continue to write. I will continue to publish at Smashwords, and I will continue to occasionally post something on my blog. So far… so good… and less stress.

    Love your posts! Keep up the great work, Marya!

  19. Alexander Says :
    Posted on August 14, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    That`s a good article with a great advice. I agree with you. The most important thing is also to know your goals and to find ways and strategies how to reach them.